Friday, November 7, 2008
My First Blogging Experience
Here I am, writing my first post. Just to give you a little taste of my life, I live in Des Moines with my husband Cory and Miniature Schnauzer named Walker. We lead a pretty quiet life, at least for now. He works in a warehouse as a line driver and I am administrative assistant and love my job. We got married when I was 20 and he was 21 about 2 years ago. Some people thought that we were too young to get married, but not for us. We dated for over three years, and even managed survived an 8 month break-up. We don't have a lot of money...and actually quite a bit of debt, but we love eachother and work very hard for what we have. Our marriage, however, has not come without its fair share of bumps. After about 9 months of marriage, at the age of 22, Cory was diagnosed with Nodular Sclerosing Hodgkin's Lymphoma, which in short, is cancer in the lymph nodes. The news of this was about enough to tear our world apart, and I still remember that horrible day like it was yesterday. I really couldn't believe it was actually happening. We knew that the only way to make it through that time was to rely on God for our every need. Sometimes I look back at the events from the past year and I'm amazed at the ways God used other people to help us and make his presence known. However, even though I knew that God was with us and helping us along, I can't say I didn't have times that I wondered what the purpose was of it all. Sometimes it just didn't make sense that we would have to deal with something so heavy at a time that we thought should be happy and exciting. I still have times that I can't figure out what the purpose is of us having all this debt now because of it. But, I have to stop myself and remember what God has done and is continuing to do in our lives! I often feel guilty for questioning the purpose because I can rejoice that, after 6 months of chemo, I have a healthy, cancer free husband who is full of life and always conjuring up new plans for our future. I have come to realize that his illness is something that will affect us for the rest of our lives and God is going to use it to mold and change us. It is something that will most likely play a role in all our decisions. It changes that way you view life and priorities. I think the thing it changed most for me is my view of God. Having gone to Bible college, I had all the head knowledge, but I had lost my thirst for Him. After Cory finished chemo, and I graduated college about a month later, I felt so incredibly lost. I guess I expected to know what I needed to do and how to do it (whatever that means). I realized that since I had been so busy with trying to finish school and going to Cory's appointments and treatments, I had completely left God out of the picture and never really processed what I'd been going through. I mean, I knew that God was there, but he wasn't a real part of my life, if that makes any sense at all. Let me tell you, it was a recipe for disaster. I almost felt as if I was this little kid, wandering through a crowded street, lost, and frantically searching for my parents. After a few months of this, I couldn't take it anymore. I knew I needed to do something and fast. I needed to get back to studying the Word of God and making it an everyday part of my life. I finally found someone who I felt would be a neutral party and would be able to give me some insight. I have been able to meet with her for the last several weeks, and she has me going through a book of the life of Queen Esther. I haven't been perfect about getting into the Word everyday, but it's improving. It's pretty exciting to feel that thirst for God again. I haven't felt that in such a long time. Well, now that I've practically exposed myself to whoever may read this, if anyone, I think it's time to conclude my first post. It was a long one, but it gives you an idea of everything I have going on in this brain I have.